You know, there are so many choices of what to write about I tend to get stuck on trying to focus on just one thing, I then end up not writing anything at all.
I try to alternate my posts as not to bore anyone with too much of one topic, which is difficult as the things in my head make life quite intolerable if I do not indite what they want. Their favorite topic being the ousting of Liberals. However, I have become very fond of my tales about Deliverance...Hmmm...what to do?
Every week there is a new, sophomoric editorial in our local leaflet, which is ever so tempting to share with everyone. However, for my own safety and that of my other family members who live here, I really have to rein in what I am able to share. I am certain if I was ever found out I would be hanging from a tree, or at least I would wake to a burning cross in my front yard. So please accept my apologies for generalizing some of these positively scintillating articles
When having a writers block all I need to do is read the local pamphlet and I have PLENTY ammunition.
Last week was a bit dry as the editorial writer was sharing with us how she brushed her teeth with ben gay. Nevertheless, I did find an older but nonetheless perfect example; our local yocal editorialist felt compelled to write about how friendly everyone here in Deliverance is. How she just can’t go anywhere without people constantly waving at her, even when she drives by, and how friendly everyone is when she goes to the local market.
I have lived in this swamp for 3 ½ years and I am still waiting for someone to smile, wave or say hi, so once again I knew a reply to this farce was required. It went something like this:
Dear Local Yocal;
Let me say I read your editorial in the paper. Now let me ask you who your Doctor is , and what kind of medications does he have you on? You see, I would like to request the same from my physician so I too can live in the same fantasy world in which you seem to reside.
In my world here in Dante’s Inferno, the people I encounter are quite opposite of what you have described in your Editorial. In fact, for the first six months I lived here I thought perhaps I was speaking in tongues when I said ‘Hello’, ‘please’, ‘Thank you, and the biggy - ‘excuse me’. People actually gazed at me with indignation. Needless to say I never received a ‘hello’ or ‘your welcome’ in return.
I did my business at the same small town bank located on the main street of our humble little town for two years, and no one ever said hello, so I switched banks. You see I was extended that courtesy at my "big city" bank, that you seem to so disdain. I also have been shopping at the same grocery stores for six years, I always try to be pleasant, yet I am still waiting to hear all those "hello’s" and "Have a nice day" that you claim are epidemic here. When I attempt to get passed a shopper blocking the aisle with a softy spoken and polite "Excuse Me" I, in return, receive a hateful glare and an immovable obstacle.
Yes, I have likewise have been the recipient of this same disdain at your churches, in this "brimming with friendly people" place, not even the "good christian’s" are even willing to say hello or respond in kind.
When we were visiting here, looking it over to move here, it was people like you spouting how "friendly" and "community oriented" this place was, and how everything we could ever want or need is right at hand, that made this place sound so appealing.
Truth be told, I guess that only applies if you never go out, never need to see a friendly face, never need to eat out, never need a grocery store that has Choices and the food isn’t a science project, never need clothes... Basically, if you are an ameba, you too can be happy here in the Seventh Ring of HELL!
Do you think I should write a book titled "How to win friends and influence people?"
At this juncture I do not think I will ever hear anyone say hello, but I think 3 years is long enough to wait, biting my tongue. I figure I am just doing my part to spread some good ‘ole Deliverance Holiday Cheer!
I wear my day-glo orange do-rag when I go out, I thought that may allow me to fit in some, didn’t work because I still have all my teeth and it’s a do-rag, not a day-glo orange ear flap cap! (Those are very popular here).
I can, however state with some certainty that I am making progress - When I first moved here and I would go into town people would point and stare because I have a few tattoos. One would have thought I was Charley Manson with a swastika on my forehead, kids would tug on their mothers sleeve and cry "Look Mama, that there gal has tattoos!", so I would tug the sleeve of my companion and reply " look! They got no teeth!". Well, they don’t stare anymore, so I guess you could call that progress, couldn’t you?
I am waiting for the Holiday editions to start so I can share with you the Holiday recipes for squirrel and chicken feet, (yes I said chicken feet! I can’t get an english muffin, but by god I can get all the chicken feet and scrapple anyone could ever want!). I am very curious what one does with chicken feet. Oh the horror! Funny, I do not see a lot of pork products, hmmm, could it be? Squeeeelllll! LOL!
I try to alternate my posts as not to bore anyone with too much of one topic, which is difficult as the things in my head make life quite intolerable if I do not indite what they want. Their favorite topic being the ousting of Liberals. However, I have become very fond of my tales about Deliverance...Hmmm...what to do?
Every week there is a new, sophomoric editorial in our local leaflet, which is ever so tempting to share with everyone. However, for my own safety and that of my other family members who live here, I really have to rein in what I am able to share. I am certain if I was ever found out I would be hanging from a tree, or at least I would wake to a burning cross in my front yard. So please accept my apologies for generalizing some of these positively scintillating articles
When having a writers block all I need to do is read the local pamphlet and I have PLENTY ammunition.
Last week was a bit dry as the editorial writer was sharing with us how she brushed her teeth with ben gay. Nevertheless, I did find an older but nonetheless perfect example; our local yocal editorialist felt compelled to write about how friendly everyone here in Deliverance is. How she just can’t go anywhere without people constantly waving at her, even when she drives by, and how friendly everyone is when she goes to the local market.
I have lived in this swamp for 3 ½ years and I am still waiting for someone to smile, wave or say hi, so once again I knew a reply to this farce was required. It went something like this:
Dear Local Yocal;
Let me say I read your editorial in the paper. Now let me ask you who your Doctor is , and what kind of medications does he have you on? You see, I would like to request the same from my physician so I too can live in the same fantasy world in which you seem to reside.
In my world here in Dante’s Inferno, the people I encounter are quite opposite of what you have described in your Editorial. In fact, for the first six months I lived here I thought perhaps I was speaking in tongues when I said ‘Hello’, ‘please’, ‘Thank you, and the biggy - ‘excuse me’. People actually gazed at me with indignation. Needless to say I never received a ‘hello’ or ‘your welcome’ in return.
I did my business at the same small town bank located on the main street of our humble little town for two years, and no one ever said hello, so I switched banks. You see I was extended that courtesy at my "big city" bank, that you seem to so disdain. I also have been shopping at the same grocery stores for six years, I always try to be pleasant, yet I am still waiting to hear all those "hello’s" and "Have a nice day" that you claim are epidemic here. When I attempt to get passed a shopper blocking the aisle with a softy spoken and polite "Excuse Me" I, in return, receive a hateful glare and an immovable obstacle.
Yes, I have likewise have been the recipient of this same disdain at your churches, in this "brimming with friendly people" place, not even the "good christian’s" are even willing to say hello or respond in kind.
When we were visiting here, looking it over to move here, it was people like you spouting how "friendly" and "community oriented" this place was, and how everything we could ever want or need is right at hand, that made this place sound so appealing.
Truth be told, I guess that only applies if you never go out, never need to see a friendly face, never need to eat out, never need a grocery store that has Choices and the food isn’t a science project, never need clothes... Basically, if you are an ameba, you too can be happy here in the Seventh Ring of HELL!
Do you think I should write a book titled "How to win friends and influence people?"
At this juncture I do not think I will ever hear anyone say hello, but I think 3 years is long enough to wait, biting my tongue. I figure I am just doing my part to spread some good ‘ole Deliverance Holiday Cheer!
I wear my day-glo orange do-rag when I go out, I thought that may allow me to fit in some, didn’t work because I still have all my teeth and it’s a do-rag, not a day-glo orange ear flap cap! (Those are very popular here).
I can, however state with some certainty that I am making progress - When I first moved here and I would go into town people would point and stare because I have a few tattoos. One would have thought I was Charley Manson with a swastika on my forehead, kids would tug on their mothers sleeve and cry "Look Mama, that there gal has tattoos!", so I would tug the sleeve of my companion and reply " look! They got no teeth!". Well, they don’t stare anymore, so I guess you could call that progress, couldn’t you?
I am waiting for the Holiday editions to start so I can share with you the Holiday recipes for squirrel and chicken feet, (yes I said chicken feet! I can’t get an english muffin, but by god I can get all the chicken feet and scrapple anyone could ever want!). I am very curious what one does with chicken feet. Oh the horror! Funny, I do not see a lot of pork products, hmmm, could it be? Squeeeelllll! LOL!
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