Life in Hell

What act, or combination of acts, would make you turn your back on a family member?
We all have ideas when we are watching other families from the outside, for example a beaten wife and mother. I am sure more than one of you has said “I wouldn’t stand that for a minute”, “he would be out on his ass”, or “if a man ever hit me I’d kick his butt”.
This is an overt action that is difficult to disguise or keep secret (although many women do.
What about the silent abuses that no one see’s, the comments and psychological battles that occur, are these any less abusive?
How many days, months, years would it take to get fed up?
When you have a family member that is so dishonest, so manipulative that you live you life being hyper-vigilant to all things going on around you, that you are suspicious of everything they do because chances are they are up to something.
Always having to hide any possessions of value for fear they may be stolen and pawned for cash. Normal daily things need to be rationed because this person is not pulling their weight in the family unit.
What if this person was the head of the household, and you are dependent on them? You cannot get them to move out, they have bled you dry of every dime you get because they cannot support themselves or their spouse and pets.
How can you love someone because they are an immediate family member (in this case my father), yet despise the sight of them. How can you wish someone dead but still think you need them because they are your only way out of the financial mess he has created?
For years my father and I have had an adversarial relationship, he has never been a “good father’ a “good provider” or a good example to follow.
It is my opinion that the head of the household should support the family he chose to have, not depending on them to bail him out of one financial mess after another.
Living off his wife’s family’s money and his children’s inheritances, bleeding every one around him dry, while refusing to get a job to pay his own way.
Going so far as to forge signatures of other family members to embezzle funds from family trusts and inheritances. Psychologically abusing all the other family members, stealing his children’s futures, college funds, blaming his own daughter for being raped, playing favorites between the two daughters, then later admitting he “backed the wrong horse”, because he drove that daughter to drug addiction.
Could you respect a man who went to his 15 year old daughter asking her to pay the mortgage payment on the house? Or could you look him in the eye after he doesn’t hold a job for most of his married life, depending on the money from his wife and children.
Hiding bills that are past due so severely as to have the power shut off for 2 weeks!! Could you look that man in the eye? Could you respect a man who put his family through these atrocities?
Never apologizing for the messes he makes, he just waits for one of us to find something worth pawning to pay off his debts. This is a man with no remorse, no sense of family values or a work ethic, the only things that faze him are the situations that affect him directly, and he is a sociopath in every sense of the definition:

· Glibness and Superficial Charm
· Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
· Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
· Pathological Lying
has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
· Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
· Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
· Incapacity for Love
· Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
· Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
· Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
· Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
· Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
· Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
· Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
· Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.



Other Related Qualities:
· Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
· Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
· Authoritarian
· Secretive
· Paranoid
· Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
· Conventional appearance
· Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
· Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
o Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
· Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
· Incapable of real human attachment to another
· Unable to feel remorse or guilt
· Extreme narcissism and grandiose
· May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.) - http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

This criterion fits him to a tee, how do you live with someone like that, and still think they are going to get you out of the dire financial mess he has brought upon out family? Why do I want to keep believing that he can pull us out of this mess? And I am on disability, every dime that comes in goes directly back into the household, there is no money left over to buy basic necessities, like underwear. We have to ration our toothpaste, ration our showers, ration our food…yet he walks about like he is owed something, that this mess is all someone else’s fault and he played no part in the complete ruination of an entire family.
I have such a quandary about this man…yes he is my father – would I pick him as a friend if we were not related, an emphatic NO! I depise what he has done to my mother, and continues to do. He is all about control, he is a misogynist, yet walks around like he is the king of all he surveys, and that he is such a patient and caring person, that he as far from being a chauvinist as I am of being Marilyn Monroe.
The head games he is always playing, he waits until there are no witnesses and then he makes his move, his hurtful spiteful comments. When confronted he responds like a juvenile, pouting, going to bed without his supper…literally this is what he does.
Everyone else should give up something during this financial crunch but him.
I feel so very trapped, I feel I have no way out of this mess.
I live in a workshop in a barn on our property, it has no amenities like plumbing, or closets….it is just a rectangle shaped room that is about 400 sq ft, and no screens on the 2 windows so I can open them up and get fresh air since I currently reside with 11 cats in this cramped space. And once again, he does not see this as abnormal – after all he reside on the second floor to the house all by himself – 3 bedrooms, 6 closets and a full bathroom!
This past year he has borrowed more from lenders and friends that he has earned…we are currently awaiting a foreclosure notice on our house… He hide all the important bills like the electric bill, so we don’t know when it is going to be shut of next, and the mortgage bill, don’t don’t how long that has gone unpaid, the phone and internet bills…
The only thing I know for sure is our satellite TV because I had that shut off.
In the last eight months we have gone without power for 2+ weeks, (that’s no water either), I have had a steroid psychosis episode that resulted in 7 or 7 police offices responding to my home pointing guns at me. I now have to take anti –psychotics to avoid that from happening again. All this is the result of one man, and he walks about completely uncaring about everything that does not directly effect him. No one else’s pain and suffering even reaches his ears…its all about him, and how dare Mom and I run out of money for him to leach off of….how horrid it is that he has to work when he is 74 years old…when he has not help down a job for most of my life!! He never planned for his or Moms future, he never got life insurance for either of them, hell, he never even had a savings account!!!
He pines away for his other estranged daughter who has been a junkie since she was15 and has cause this family nothing but money and grief, you that is the one he misses….
I am the one who is here, I am the one who is keeping food on the table, I am the one who has supplied him with a car to drive since he drove his into the ground, I even pay for his auto insurance on the dead car sitting in the drive way, because it has to be insured because he used it as collateral for a personal loan to get us out of hock, which it barley scratched the surface of what we owe.
He is a bitter, mean man when he is around his ‘family’, but if an outsider is around he cons them into thinking he is the sane one and what he has to pout up with living with me and his parasitic daughter (that’s me) leeching off him and all this money he supposedly makes…when it is money borrowed, on my co signature, it is my several hundred dollar a month contribution to pay for fuel for the boiler so we can have hot water, it is me who buys the groceries and pet food…He never acknowledges any of this because he gives the impression he is entitled to it all….he lives by the adage: what mine is mine and what’s yours is mine…
How does one get out from under someone like this when you are in the same living arrangement?
I have been trying to find grants for the disabled (yes I am legally disabled), to get assistance to get my own place, but now I do not even have a drivers license since there was no money left over from my check to pay for it….and now he has complete control….
It is making me go over the edge….I just want to die and get this stupid fucking life over with!!!

DeliveranceVille Doctor Saga....

I do not think I have ever tried to pass myself off as worse off than others or most, or that I suffer from terminal uniqueness (at least I hope not). I try very hard in my attempts to remain objective about myself, my surroundings and the troubles that seem to befall me.

I am more than well aware there are others out there that are much worse off than I. I am aware that complaining gets one no where, however, sometimes I wrote stories regarding my condition, not for sympathy, but for feedback. That maybe someone out there could see something, suggest something I had overlooked or not thought of since I am in the thick of it, (so to speak).

Then, of course, there were days I just needed to rant, let it out before it ate me alive. Being as isolated as I am from the tangible world, my only ‘social activity’ stems from online contact with acquaintances and friends.

After all, I am human, we are social creatures, as much as I hate to admit it, even I (who usually prefers the hermit lifestyle), needs contact with other humans on occasion.

So here I am, back again to rant and roll, write and tell tales, inform and be informed.

My latest experience with the ‘healthcare’ system here in the Seventh Ring of Hell screamed to be let out.

Since moving here to Delliveranceville some 5 years ago now, I have had the misfortune of being thrust into a healthcare system made up of physicians who received their M.D.’s from a McD’s Happy Meal!

Now I have had my primary disease – Brittle asthma (type one and 2 combined), for 38 years. I am familiar with my disease and my medications. I am an informed patient – something I discovered is really irritating to the Doctors here on the sandbar. I have had 4 different primary physicians in as many years with 2 different alleged ‘specialists’.

I have driven as far as 100 miles in hopes of obtaining the services of a professional and capable Doctor – to no avail.

I have had physicians who, at first, seem to be competent, understand the severity of my disease and the delicacy of treatment and the ‘fall-out’ I suffer from 2 decades of dependency on dangerous, nevertheless, necessary treatments. Yet, after the initial few “get ta know ya” visits, I discover the Doctors have mislead (to put it politely), me in their qualifications to treat me and my disease(s). As a result they have set back my treatment and progress I had gained prior to my moving here by decades. Yet, their ego will not allow them to admit how unknowledgeable they are about treating someone with such a complicated disease and the consequence has been disastrous, to say the least.

I would like to share with you each one of my experiences in a series of posts. My main purpose is to vent and perhaps inform/warn those of you who have not yet discovered the dysfunctional (at best) healthcare system we are forced to endure as average citizens.

My first, so called pulmonary specialist took issue with the fact that I had cats and dogs at home (which I am allergic to). I endeavored to explain that we have a Sanctuary for abandoned animals; this Medical School graduate then asked me “what is a sanctuary?” This gave me some concern.

After this bit of learned information he treated me as if the root of my asthmatic problems stemmed from having these creatures around me and that if I did not get rid of them he could not help me. Can anyone say ‘healthism’?

My Allergy and Immunology specialist back in AZ was well aware of this and worked around it realizing that the loss of my companions would do far more harm than good.

My AZ doc also worked around a few issues that seem to disturb the physicians here so much so that they refuse to treat. It appears to me to be quite prejudicial.

He also did not recognize some of the terminology one uses in describing tools, devices and medications that are commonly used my asthma patients; like nebulizer. This also vexed me. As it turned out my concerns were not unfounded, his seemingly casual lack of knowledge would easily have killed me had I been an uninformed patient.

Plain and simple, no exaggeration, had I not known the consequences of withdrawing from a corticosteroid to abruptly, as he advised and insisted, even after my attempts to tell him about the onset of the withdrawal symptoms, I would have died as a result of listening to him. Instead I did what I know how to do when it comes to prednisone dosing and the withdrawal symptoms abated.

After this near disaster, in all his megalomania, he would not (could not) admit his error, so I fired him and sought the counsel of an attorney, this was (at least to me) a clear case of malpractice and patient neglect.

The esteemed attorneys’ response was: “not only do you not have a case because you are still alive, but we do not sue our neighbors here.”

So, had I in fact, followed this inept Doctors advice and actually died, I may have had a case, IF the attorney felt my death outweighed the rule that “we don’t sue our neighbors here”.

This would just be the beginning. This Pulmonologist was one of 2, which coincidently worked out of the same office, which could be considered ‘local’.

Just an aside for fairness, I did also see his partner (in crime). On one of my visits with him I expressed my concern with the abnormally high dosage of prednisone they (him and his partner) felt I should remain on, which was some 55mgs higher than what I was on before I came under there care. Consequentially, I began gaining weight (which is a major adverse side effect of taking this medication). This other ‘specialists’ response was “consider yourself lucky, I have some patients who weigh 500lbs.” This was not the answer I was looking for, nor expecting.

So, I figured it was time to extend my selection out of the ‘local’, polluted doctor pool, and researched Doctors across the Bay Bridge. It is my practice to call the National Jewish lung line to get Doctor referrals; in this case they had no one listed within a 200 mile radius they could recommend. However, one of their listed specialists at one time had a partner, (who was/is not affiliated with National Jewish), who somehow was listed in their directory.

Out of desperation, I took the name, number and address…He was located 90 miles away. He also had a reputation of a poor bedside manner, which bothers me very little IF the Doctor knows what he is doing.

In my next post I will share with you this ‘train wreck’ of an experience…

Part 2

This next ‘specialist’ was located some 90 miles away, across the Bay bridge with its $20 toll….So before even reaching the Doc’s office I am in the hole.

Upon meeting this physician I am no longer curious about his ‘bedside manner’, which as long as he knows what he is doing I really don’t care if he is nice about it or not.

He clearly stated he would much rather buy me a plane ticket to India than accept me as a patient. He also stated how familiar he was with cases such as mine and that this would not be an easy road for either one of us. He began right than and there with the ever so fun ‘allergy testing’, which consists of having multiple needle sticks filled with allergens shot just under your skin, then you wait about 30 minutes to see of there are any reactions…as I knew I would, I had multiple.

He made up an injectable serum right there on the spot, the problem was finding a Doc to administer the shot since driving 90 miles each way once a week was a bit unreasonable.

He also made some startling statements with regards to my prognosis; he did not think I would live another 5 years if I remained on my current path (after the destructive treatment received from the “local pulmonologist” across the bridge back on the sandbar. He made this blatantly and uncompromisingly clear, and frightening.

He also found it a necessary part of the diagnostics to send me to the University hospital in Charlotte, VA for a full work up.

When I made the appointments for the multiple tests, I was informed that I would be staying over at least one night in their hospital. These arrangements were made a month in advance; this was going to be quite the endeavor. It is a 5 hour drive to this teaching hospital. I called numerous times to verify this whole “overnighter” business, but I was assured that I should pack a bag…

Come time for the appointment I left at 3 am to avoid all the major traffic in the bigger cities I would be passing through – Norfolk, Richmond, Newport News, etc…..

When I arrived at my specified location and Doctors office to begin testing, with a rather large duffle bag in tow, I was questions why I had brought luggage….SH*T!

I explained the entire “overnighter testing session” I was supposed to undergo, and I was promptly informed this was not the case, and this was not scheduled for me. So, for the rest of the day, I had the enjoyment of lugging my rather heavy bag about the campus as I was forced to walk about with map in hand to various different wings for testing. In my opinion this did not bode well, and it also exacerbated my asthma and was wondering if I would not be admitted because of this anyway…

However they did not seem too concerned with the fact that I was blue and breathless, so off I was sent to another facility down the street a ways, I could drive there. It was for an MRI or something….at this point having no cash, (not thinking I would need it to stay at a hospital) I was starved and thirsty…after they did their scan I was informed they ran all the tests they could so I could be on my merry little way back to my rural no where town. Which by now I must confess sounded great, except for the 5 hour drive ahead of me during rush hour?

Being extremely disgusted the entire way home, I felt I still had not found the correct Doctor…to add insult to injury even after several calls I never did get the results of the tests I completed that horrid day….

So off to find a less fatalistic Doctor…maybe this time I would head north towards Maryland, perhaps they were more civilized the closer one got to D.C.

The D.O. that I ended up with was referred by word of mouth from a friend of my fathers, whose wife worked for this particular Doc, who hereafter I will refer to as ‘Mule Man’, because in his waiting room the only magazines and pictures on the wall consisted of mules….he had some odd thing with mules, they were everywhere in his office, along with the occasional hunting magazine (which did not bode well for me either).

This fellow was not real interested in treating his patients, he just wanted to keep them coming back and paying the bills.

So rather than having me do a physical, he asked me what my diagnoses were and what treatments I had been receiving.

I thought this was easy, I tell him what to do, and he’ll do it…

I gave him the list of prescriptions I was currently taking and he got out his pad and began writing. I discussed my desire to get my prednisone dosage back down to a reasonable level and he concurred 60mgs a day was a bit much, so he referred me to yet another specialist.

This one located to the north, and he was and Allergy and Immunology guy, once I saw him, he and mule man could collaborate to decrease my steroids safely…

This all sounded wonderful, an a bit too good to be true?

I went to this second so called specialist, who also took it personally that I ran an animal sanctuary and was unwilling to kill off all my cats and dogs to aid him in his treatment plan.

Now I have been considered and diagnosed with depression long before moving here to the Seventh Circle of Hell, and living here as served only to exacerbate that condition considerably. Mule man agreed with this as well and saw fit to prescribe an anti-depressant for me.

Here is where I confess my greatest sin (at least according to the Doctors), I smoke, I enjoy smoking, and until such time as I am no longer homicidal, suicidal, severely depressed and anxious, I see absolutely NO logical reason to quit. It is my educated opinion that not only am I much safe (and nicer), my family and the world at large are much safer that I continue using this crutch until such time as I am sufficiently stabilized to manage renouncing this sin of sins. I am more than well aware that this little habit of mine does not help my condition any, but what the Docs do not seem to grasp is that I endured this affliction for many, many years BEFORE I began smoking, and my condition did not alter either for the bad or good when I began this so called filthy habit.

Again the ‘specialist’ took these two personal items as a personal insult and it reflected in his lack of interest in my case, and the manner in which he treated me medically and personally whenever I had an appointment with him…

It became a custom for him to make degrading and disparaging remarks to me regarding my appearance, even once suggesting plastic surgery (to a patient on Disability?). This is where; once again, I was forced to part ways with yet another one of the finest physicians the area has to offer.

Left to depend solely on the mule man to continue to allow me to tell him what I needed and when, and he stand ready with Doctors orders to send where I suggested they be sent for testing, treatment and/or prescriptions.

This ‘relationship’ worked well for about 3 years, when he up and informed his patients that with a month’s notice he would be closing his practice….URGH!!!!!!

I still know no one, therefore word of mouth referral is out of the question, the phonebook, well, and I already worked my way through the Virginia side of the border (on the sandbar), and it was no all a matter of how far was I willing and able to drive for another doctor…

I was already at the 45 miles each way marker…

So, the Torture continues…this was over a year ago…and I did, eventually find a replacement for mule man, and I shall tell you about her tomorrow….

Part 3

The latest Doctor was referred to me by one of the gals that worked in mule man’s office. I thought (foolishly) this could not be any worse than what I have already endured; after all I really did like all the women/nurses who worked for/with mule man thusly I thought they would not steer me in a wrong direction.

The initial visit was impressive, so much so I felt relief for the first time since moving here. My new Doctor was a ‘she’ which was a bonus point from the get go.

Secondly she spent at least an hour with me on this first visit, making sure to cover all my health issues, past and present. I was stunned by her thoroughness.

I clearly defined and explained all illnesses I was currently experiencing and medications I was taking for them; what other specialists I was seeing for the various other ailments besides the asthma and depression my previous primary care provider was treating.

My previous primary care Doc, who by the way had up and moved out of state giving 1 month notice to his current patients, had been administering medications to treat my asthma, depression, chronic pain from (at that time a 2 year long headache) and for the many fractures I endure since I have osteoporosis (as a result of being steroid dependent for 2 decades), as well as anti-anxiety medications and lastly sleeping meds since I do not sleep.

This she-doctor did not express any problems with the treatment plan or the continuation of prescribing my current medications. One thing we agreed upon was the neurologist I had been seeing for the last 1 ½ for the constant headache, really was not doing all he could, in fact he had done very little during all those months, so we decided w to fire him and stop the inept treatment he prescribed.

I felt confidence in this woman, she had an aggressive treatment plan, she rearranged some medications, stopped some others, all for reasons I had already contemplated and agreed with.

She seemed to actually listen and care.

How wrong this would turn out to be….

Each subsequent visit became shorter in duration, as if she was attempting to beat some record of how many patients she could squeeze into a work day and how little time she could spend with each. I, of course, cannot speak for the other patients they all seemed quite pleased with this service.

She began juggling different meds, adding new ones, without giving ‘informed consent’; I was forced to research these new medications on the internet, which she then scorned me for doing.

She appeared to take my knowledge of my disease, and medical treatments for said (primary) illness as a personal affront to her and her medical expertise.

Each visit developed into a passive aggressive confrontation.

As stated earlier, my asthma is the core disease; however, from this nucleus disorder and its therapy, other infirmities have risen to the surface.

From being steroid dependent for almost 20 years, my adrenal glands have ceased to function for themselves, resulting in Cushing’s syndrome, which in its own right has ailments branching off from it, along with osteoporosis which caused frequent fractures in my feet, wrists, ribs, etc…which also caused levels of discomfort to outright pain.

Then 3 years ago I acquired a headache, sudden onset (sometimes referred to as a “thunder clap” headache). These can be a big red flag of some underlying more dangerous malady. I have very rarely experienced headaches throughout my life, except hangover headaches, so this was quite disconcerting to me.

The neurologist seemed none to concerned, nor did mule man, and now this new gal doc still could not grasp the concept that this was/is one continuous headache – as in never stopping, no respite – she insisted this was an on again off again type of thing.

No real efforts have been made to date to determine the cause or a treatment for this debilitating pain. The neurologist did not think pain medications were necessary, I guess he felt my writhing in pain daily and being unable to accomplish basic functions not serious enough to deserve reprieve. Thank goodness mule man took instruction and prescribed a rather light weight pain medication, but heavy enough to be in the “controlled substance” category.

The new female doc continued to refill this and my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. I felt as long as I could get the medications that aided in controlling my asthma and the debilitating ailments that stemmed from this disease I could deal with her personal dislike of me.

This was not to be, when I brought issues to her attention most normal patients would bring to the attention of their physicians she, once again received this information as an insult.

She randomly placed me on an anti-depression medication regime that was obscene and dangerous. The medication she prescribed was/is highly addictive with horrible side effects (mental and physical), and caused me to become even more agitated and angry.

I had odd symptoms popping up; sudden, drastic weight gain, feeling more hostile (than usual), amongst others, her professional response was: “you (as in me) are old; maybe you should join Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers.”

I informed her there had been no change, no increase in my diet, which I was always cautious of because of being on prednisone anyway.

The issue is the combination of medications all include weight gain as a side effect and how to work around that. It was becoming clear she had a preconceived bias against overweight persons and I was not going to get any help with that issue either.

It seemed our Doctor/Patient relationship had become very adversarial.

When I brought this to her attention on 2 separate office visits she finally got it and added another anti-depressant to the mix….both of which have the side effect of weight gain (as do all my meds), so when I came into her office concerned that I had suddenly gained 30lbs in as many months (something that had never occurred).

I went cold-turkey on the more evil of the anti-depressants (cymbalta) hoping for some relief. When I informed this she-devil doc, she decided it was time to refer me to a psychiatrist, to regulate and prescribe any further medications dealing with my mental status (or lack there of).

Now this was a treat of unexpected proportions (this said dripping with sarcasm).

She referred me to a male Psychiatrist, without even asking if I had preference between make and female.

After a year of suffering through here so called care, this imbecile fired me as her patient without informing me. So when it came time for me to call in my medication refills, she refused.

Again, I reiterate, the abrupt withdrawal from prednisone is life threatening, the withdrawal from anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications can and are extremely uncomfortable (to put is lightly), and these were the medications she refused to refill, as I was no longer her patient….even though this is against Maryland law, because even though a Doctor fires you, they are still responsible for your medication refills until such time as you find a new physician.

SO, I went to this alleged psychiatrist who did more harm than good, every time I answered one of his questions, like “what makes you think you are depressed?” and I stated quite plainly all the symptoms I was having and for how long. I also included life occurrences that I felt influenced my depressive state and this genius’ response to all my comments were “that is not my problem”. An interesting and new tactic I had not heard of before, certainly not in the mainstream of psychological therapy.

He also did not believe in prescribing medications that were considered “controlled substances” because they were addictive. I counter this claim with the addictiveness of the anti-depressant he did freely prescribe - again the resulting answer: “that is not my problem”.

I walked away from this incident feeling truly hopeless that I will ever find someone of even the mildest competence to treat me.

I am now faced with running out of my medications in 3 weeks, and being forced to find a new physician who will continue my current regime, or at least not make anymore drastic, incapacitating, devastating, treatments and/or medications.

We here on the sand bar do not have many doctors to choose from, there are no female psychiatrists in driving distance (this is a radius of 100+ miles), so that is out of the question, as there are also no psychiatrists who not only prescribe medication but also provide therapy as well….

I am left feeling doomed and trapped. I have lost all hope of ever getting better, of ever having any portion of my life at least bearable…and now I can skip along to a new physician and take a chance this person will also try to kill me as his predecessors have.

It is like playing Russian Roulette, and if I wanted to finish myself off, I sure could find an easier and cheaper way that paying these troglodytes to kill me off piece by piece.

Dictator for a Day

Applying the Geneva Convention to a group of thugs would be considered as absurd as giving those same rights to the gangs that plague our streets. Applying the privileges citizens of this country honor to non-citizens, terrorists, and all otherwise ‘illegal’ persons, is not only ludicrous, but should also be considered treasonous! How can we protect the sanctity of this great nation if we dole out Its freedoms like Planned Parenthood doles out condoms!
Yet this is happening daily here and during a time of war! As Americans we have gotten desensitized to the commercialization of everything. In fact, our society is so backwards that we pay our Military, Police, Firefighters, and Paramedics less than a Fitness Instructor!*
*Based on a ‘base salary’ basis on Los Angeles California pay scale.
We are talking about people who choose to join a profession to save and protect us. This is because we, as a whole, tend not to think about what services these men and women provide for us until it slaps us in the face.
We worship beauty and celebrity, be it TV and Movie actors, sports figures, musicians etc. These are the people getting the big bucks, these are the people society as a whole looks up to, follows, emulates, and here in lies the problem. This is where so many (too many) absurd opinions get voiced and heard because they are celebrities! The people follow due to being blinded by the light, this is just plain sick and wrong! These people don’t know what they are saying anymore than Joe Shmoe next to you on the bus picking his nose! Would you blindly follow him?
“America is in trouble. Grave trouble. We are in debt up to our eyeballs to China. We have a weak, unintelligent, incompetent President, a lying, thieving, diabolical Vice-president, an ineffective intelligence operation and a Congress made up of Republican lapdogs who want to build useless railroads down South, while Katrina victims still suffer and struggle. Recruitment is down and here at home the will to fight is waning. (How can you expect people in this country to support a war when you picked the wrong guy and botched the whole thing so carelessly?)” –Alex Badlwin ‘06
Does this sound reasonable to you? If you are reading this, hopefully this makes you as nauseous as it makes me. Here we have not only an example of free speech but also free media. Do the adjectives used here sound like a personal attack, or an attack on policy? Hmmm, let’s think a minute…NOT!
This is the foundation of every democrat’s argument, they sling mud and hope through sensational name calling the people won’t see that their ‘agenda’ is nothing but hot air. When viewing the Democrat Party website and reading for myself (yes on an empty stomach I may be crazy but I am not stupid), their vision for the future one thing kept ringing in my mind: Plagiarism. It sounds like they borrowed their talking points from Ayn Rand’s Book; “Atlas Shrugged”. Which was written in the mid to late 50’s and viewed as somewhat of a science-fiction novel. Now reading it, it becomes a horror story that could easily come true.
If you have not read it here is the short version: it is about wealthy and politically ambitious persons who are “for the people, the working class”, and the ‘for the good of society’ minded way they not only destroyed America but the outward ripple effect. But they had good intentions!



Isn’t openly sympathizing with the enemy, as in our Elite Media, giving aide and comfort? All the big mouth liberals bewailing about ‘those poor innocent people”, can’t someone just bitch slap these idiots onto reality please! Given the opportunity, one of the ‘poor, innocent’ miscreants would saw your head off with a serrated steak knife no matter if you sympathize with them or not! Just like during the Vietnam war there was a slogan that went something like; “Kill ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out”, I have updated this to fit the current state of affairs; “Kill ‘em all, let Allah sort ‘em out!” After all fair is fair.
Current events have Israel doing what the US should have done a long time ago, eradicating the enemy no matter where they hide. We were the unwitting victims of an unprecedented act of war on United States soil at 8am Eastern Time on 9/11/00. By that same night we should have been begging Israel to show us how to fight these terrorists and win. We should have (and still should be) sending our military personal to Israel (if they would have us), so our Military men and women could be trained by their Military and Intelligence forces. I am by no means condemning our Armed Forces; I have the utmost respect and admiration for all persons serving our country in this war. In fact, it is my firm belief that if our Troops we allowed to do what they were trained to do, without these silly politicians interfering; things would be much quieter over there. Then just imagine what they could do with training from the IFD to add to there expertise!
America really needs to focus her energies and money on herself and stop wasting it internationally where it is so unappreciated. Why do we incessantly send money, aid, medications, food, etc. to various places throughout the world where 1) it does no good, the people never seem better off for it, that is IF it even reaches them! and 2) the same people we are assisting yammer tirelessly about how much they hate America and all Americans. Did they never here the old proverb, “don’t bite the hand that feeds”? Cut them off, cut them all off is what I say.
Envision the money we could save and then maybe we could feed our own starving, homeless and sick people!
So far on Prison Reform and International aid alone we could also afford to give are Police, Fire, Paramedic and Military personnel a much deserved pay raise.
While I am speaking of pay raises on group of particularly useless people come to mind, yet they always manage to give themselves pay raises for a job POORLY done…our Congress. Out of all the government workers I can think of at the moment, they are at the bottom of the list when I think salary increase! They have done more damage than good to this Nation, with all their special interest groups and a investigative Board for this and a Panel for that, and all the ‘pork’ spending…let's not forget those grueling two day work weeks!!
Here is an IDEAL opportunity to save some big bucks! Should they be getting raises based on performance like the rest of the working world? Should they have to come to us, the people who elect them and pay the taxes that pay their salaries to get approval for these pay increases? Wouldn’t this just make sense?
Why do they get a special retirement plan different than the laypersons Social Security? If they were placed on the same system as you and me, don’t you think the questions facing the future of Social Security would get much faster responses?
Some time take a look at the real estate section around Washington D.C. and see how your elected official lives, and then tell me they actually deserve to live like this for the crap job they have been doing. We all would have been better off buying stock in KY Jelly for how much they screw us.